The Things We Have Forgotten: Friendship. The Secret Book On Relationships – Written by Joe Blunt
Before I begin, I have to warn who so ever decides to read this that there’s a good reason why I barely have friends. Want a frank perspective, The Secret Book tells a story.
I am brutally honest, or as some will say, very blunt. If a lady came up to me with her backside as big as the boot or trunk of a Tacoma truck, I will tell her straight away and spare no details. Now with that out of the way, we may continue.
Have you ever built a house without first laying the foundation? Or planted on loose soil? The house collapses once there’s a tremor or load placed on it. The plant can’t stand when it grows because the soil isn’t strong enough for the roots to hold on to.
Some say that sex is overrated. Before I go further I need to speak to those who say this. Hello, hi! If you are in the said group please know that there is either something wrong on your side or you need to switch up on the sort of partners you are having.
Madness is doing the same thing the same way and expecting a different result. Kappish? Now we can move forward.
So they say sex is over-rated but I say the most underrated thing in our generation is Friendship. The Secret Book deals extensively on friendships. In fact using the word underrated, is an understatement. It is almost completely ignored.
In this era of social media and cultural influences, there is an emphasis on the product rather than the process. You know the end justified the means sort of thing. This has led to a re-engineering of the minds to believe that anything quick and instant is best. We have people trying to be successful in an instant. Couples and families especially, pushing for quick marriages.
Everyone trying to get one thing or the other in an instant and at the first attempt. As the consequence, we have then ignored the precious lessons learnt in failure and the beauty of the process. This is down to the idea that anything asides that is bad. It’s life on the fast lane down easy street.
And the result?
Well I leave that for you to figure out.
I’m going to come down home to Nigeria, a place I know quite well. There’s an emerging, if not already prominent shallow culture/tradition in place here.
This consist of relationships being put on the clock like some ticking bomb. And should the clock run out and there not a rock on the lady’s finger, then it’s on to the next suitor.
Some readers will doubt me but it is true. It’s surprising too, that something as beautiful and as delicate as a love has been strapped with an I.E.D (Improvised Explosive Device) around it.
Let me go a bit deeper and paint a picture for you.
So guy meets lady. There’s the attraction or just mere infatuation. He lets her know he is interested and she accepts.
From then onwards the clock begins to tick.
On average a guy has 6 months to a year to get on one knee or its bust. I repeat 6 to 12 months.
No offense but in this age of pretense and deceit, that isn’t enough to know the true nature of the other half.
In the end more than half of marriages that result from this end up in crisis. One half loses the desire to be a part of the sham but stays in it to save face.
Adultery and infidelity becomes the order of the day.
So I beg to wonder where the idea of a friendship got kicked to? When was it buried? There are many answers to those. Starting from the influence of romantic movies some grew up watching that sold you some fantasy which you bought and treasured. So there was that desire to have your own knight in shining armor and ignore the fact that all that glitters isn’t gold.
There were and still are film content that judge that tall, chiseled and handsome guy that wowed you, to be the one for you. And kick that friend you’ve known for long to that curb called the friend zone.
“The devil you know versus the Angel you don’t know”.
Well here is the truth. You see that guy or lady in the friend zone that you know inside out and who totally adores you for the right reasons? That’s the person you should be with.
You don’t agree with me? Well I’ll use one word to end your argument. Friendship. Still want to argue? Let’s paint another picture.
The Secret Book illustrates- So tall, chiseled and handsome guy meets pretty lady shaped like an hour glass. They get married within a year and don’t have that foundation of friendship. They start having kids, if they make it that far. Nature and motherhood gradually take their pounds of flesh, or more of puts their pounds of flesh. She was once shaped like an hour glass, now she looking like one of those round wall clocks.
The guy who was once chiseled like a 35cl coke bottle now looks like a 1 liter all you can drink bottle. The expensive cars aren’t there anymore. The luxury flat and lifestyle can’t be maintained due to other priorities and expenses. Things have definitely changed.
Now we can agree that without the friendship one of them, if not both will exhibit discontent with the changes.
Should there be that foundation of friendship, there will be that love and understanding that there is more to the other than the physical and material. With friendship comes that true and full knowledge of the other half. With it, comes the respect and appreciation of even the most pressing flaws. Not to mention the experience on how to handle issues.
The Secret Book says that Friendship is like a river that keeps on flowing.
When the spark is lost, the relationship rests on it safely. It’s what keeps relationships burning like the sun and not burning out like a shooting star.
Don’t be afraid to take your time to know someone even if it’s for five years. Yes, I said a five year courtship. It’s not a bondage like media makes it look like these days. No it’s a process you are savoring. Such is and will be frowned upon by family and friends but truth be told wouldn’t you be patient to get it right and live a lifetime of joy than to rush and turn into the upset spouse.
There is a need to focus on long term goals achieved with short term targets rather than the rather incomprehensible red rush to the altar.
For our own sakes we need to look and think deeper. Avoid being caught up in some shallow commercialized culture that fills the pockets of some. In the end it’s your life and your decision.
So you have yourself to blame if you let “foreign” influences decide and legitimize your decision. Think deep and quit being shallow. And to you in the friend zone, if he or she doesn’t go with you in the end, it’s their loss and your gain. If they can’t think deep then they weren’t worth your time in the first place. I’m just being blunt.
I hope The Secret Book on relationships shed more light on friendship and building one.
The Secret Book on relationships as told by Joe Blunt. Ladies, please leave a comment below. Guys, Yay or Nay?